Option B – Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant – Review
Having picked up this book after knowing that Sheryl Sandberg was a COO of Facebook, I was expecting a lot of references from her career experience of having worked in a leadership role. However, the entire book is focused on post trauma growth and the factors that lead to a positive change despite a major setback.
The
narrative begins with Sheryl finding her husband Dave lying dead over a treadmill
back in 2015, she is shell shocked on the hard event and goes about describing
the impact of her deepest trench in life. She refers to 3P’s -
Personalization, Pervasiveness and Permanence as a core emotional pattern exhibited by individuals
post a trauma. Let me throw some light on each of them, Personalization – it’s
feeling of guilt that the individual is fully responsible for the trauma, Pervasiveness
– the individual feels that the negativity will spread across or impact all
areas of life and Permanence – it’s a belief that the trauma will have a life
long negative impact.
A high
percentage of rape victims feel that they are responsible for the trauma and keep
blaming themselves for what had happened. This is a striking example of
personalization. Extending to the other 2P’s, the rape victims do exhibit
strong traits of pervasiveness and permanence as well. Once the 3P’s are strongly anchored
then a positive course correction becomes extremely difficult or even impossible.
On the flip
side, there are group of individuals who have experienced post trauma growth.
It has been observed that roughly 1/3rd of kids who grew out of deeply
dysfunctional families (these can abusive, alcoholic or even criminal parents) happen
to be competent and confident individuals. The secret is lies in the fact that
these individuals realize their ground realities but focus deeply on one
positive activity that can pull them out of their bad ecosystem.
Let's look at an example of trauma and it's recovery - On 13th of October 1972, flight 571 crash landed at height of 11,710 feet in the middle of snow-capped Andes Mountain ranges leaving only the fuselage behind. Just one look at the picture below is enough to evoke panic signals.
With food
supplies that hardly lasted for a week, a radio message that was transmitted 9 to
10 days after the crash that the rescue mission was called off and an avalanche
that buried 25 surviving passengers around 2 weeks post the crash, I
believe we have already heard a trauma that’s more than overwhelming. Given
this scenario, how did 16 passengers survive for a period of 72 days in harsh
and life-threatening conditions? The
Miracle of Andes gives fantastic glimpses of how teamwork, resilience and critical
thinking can pull a group out of trouble even in impossible situations. The story
refers to the positive impact of a rugby team who made the difference.
(Here is a
video clipping of the leader of the Andes survivor group)
(22)
Nando Parrado: Alive, Miracles of Leadership - YouTube
Trauma can certainly push individuals towards moral dilemmas like someone who lost a loved one after a terrorist attack. However, there are elite individuals like Antoine Leiris who chose a path of non-hate and preferring to live a normal happy life post trauma. On 2015, his wife Helen was shot dead in a terrorist attack in Paris and immediately after the event Antoine wrote an open message to the terrorist that he doesn't have his hate and would not even desire to know who he is. From an emotional standpoint, it takes a lot to choose a regular happy path despite the unfair events of the outside world.
(22) Paris attacks: Antoine Leiris says his grief is precious - BBC News - YouTube
Option B is about choosing an alternative positive path when
preferred one goes haywire.
Recommended!
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